So the very first thing I want to talk about here is gay stalking. Some skanky and/or crazy guy becomes secretly obsessed with you, is sure he is in love with you, and then systematically ruins your social life with his psychotic attempts to gain your favor.
OK, 37 is a bartender at a bar that I go to often. Now, I've been going out to this bar for a few years, but only became acquainted with 37 less than a year ago. But once we got friendly (and I mean that in the strictest sense of the term), it was quite obvious that he wanted to get friendly (now i mean it in the loose, slutty way). I am in no way attracted to 37 beyond giggling, and the occasional free shot. But he seemed like a nice enough guy so it didn't seem like his attraction to me was anything worth fretting about. And then, over the weekend I found out I was beyond wrong.
Now, 36 is a guy that I met a while back. He is my favorite type of guy: older, shaved head, and way sexy. Just recently, I started seeing him out and about again, and have been working my charms on him. Cut to me and 36 on the dance floor of Pure making out. Yay me! Being that word travels fast around the 'hood, I wasn't at all shocked when I pulled up a stool at 37's bar the following weekend and the first thing he brings up is the aforementioned making out. Didn't seem like anything out of the ordinary until a very good friend of mine told me (much later in the evening) that 37 was totally giving 36 some serious shade over the whole thing. I mean, don't get me wrong, nobody likes to chat it up with the guy who hooked up with your crush, but it just seemed a step beyond sane and rational for 37 to hold it against the guy.
But it gets worse. That same night--which btw happens to be my best friend's birthday--as a bunch of us are gathered at a bar, 37 starts talking smack about a friend of mine, who is there as well, and catches him in the act. 37 goes on to tell my friend (who will become 38 in a short while) to back off me. Which is totally crazy. But wait--there's more!!!
I should also mention that the bar that we are at is the very same bar that 35 works at as a coat checker. Of course he is checking coats tonight. Being that I haven't contacted him in any capacity since that strange, strange "date", I decide that as I walk past the coat check, I will play the role of "ridiculously drunk guy" to avoid talking to him. About 15 minutes after the entrance, I get a text from him. "No, you did not just walk in here." I responded with "yes I did, are you here?" He says, "shady lol".
I decided to let it stop there.
And back to the crazy. Birthday Boy asks me to buy him a shot and being that it's his birthday, I'm officially obligated to do just that. By the time I realize that I only have 12 bucks in my pocket (definitely not enough for 2 shots at this bar), Birthday Boy is already up at the bar getting the bartender's attention. 37 notices my plight and insists that I put my money away and he'll pay for 3 shots. Normally this type of offer is completely acceptable, but in my mind when a friend asks you to buy him a shot on his birthday, you do it. Yanno? I'm all, "It's not a big deal, I'm just gonna buy a shot for him. I don't need your money." To which he responds by blocking my from the bar and insisting he pays. After way too many seconds of that, I agree. His response, "No Mary, it's all you."
Crazy.
I go up to the bar and 37 follows me. Birthday Boy orders two shots, 37 makes it three. I put my money down on the bar. If worse comes to worse, I'll just run off to the mac machine and get some more money. Lucky for me, the bartender accepts the insufficient funds from Birthday Boy on account of his birthdayness.
As all of this is going down, 34 is sending me text messages. See, in a drunk and horny stupor the night before I sent him a text that said "i should see you tomorrow and you should be naked" So as I'm dancing the night a way, he's trying to get me to come over to his place. I tell him I'll come over when I'm done with the drinking and dancing, and he's totally ok with that. But the, he comes at me with, "can Fugly join in?" I say no, because I'm clearly not attracted to Fugly. He tells me that Fugly is "totally hot, and I'm missing out." I reiterate my unwillingness to be anywhere near a naked Fugly. He responds with "Whatever, you give nasty, sloppy head." Which is completely untrue, unless it's the sexy kind of nasty sloppy. And then--get this--he says, "But if you change your mind, call me."
2 days later, I get a text from 34 saying that Fugly had his phone. Either way, I'm pretty much done with 34. Until the next time I think about his large penis. Hold on, I'm gonna text him now and see what he's up to...
Anywho, fast forward to closing time and all of us congregating in the alley. So-and-so is hosting an after party at his place, and we're all invited. After a quick review of the night's events, specifically 37's repeated requests for me to display various body parts (which btw I'm not at all prudish about if a non-crazy non-stalker type that is hot asks), I decide to go home.
I say good night and quickly sneak off with 38 and his friend before anybody else can notice. 38's apartment is on the way to my car so we walk together. On the way to his apartment 38 insists on walking me to my car. I think it's a nice friendly gesture. So when we get to his apartment he tells me to come up, I'm assuming we are just going to set his friend up and then go to my car. Instead we sign on manhunt to find a trick for his friend. I very aggressively take over the keyboard because 38 is a very slow typer. He only uses his 2 index fingers to hunt and peck. I get the friend hooked up, and when he leaves 38 offers me a beer. He then packs a bowl, which we, of course, smoke. I figured it would be alright since I was pretty much sober. Except that it's one of those crazy beers that has a ridiculously high amount of alcohol. So, after drinking a couple of glasses of that and smoking a bowl, I'm not alright to be driving. And I'm pretty sure that 38 is coming on to me. At first it just seemed like we were making jokes, and then there was thigh touching and leaning and that's when I decided that I was going to pass out. I mean, it's not like I was too far off from that, but I opted to go down early to avoid the awkwardness of rejecting him and then asking to crash on his couch cuz I'm not alright for driving.
So now there is this big question lurking in my mind. Did 37 really get overly possessive and talk smack about 38, and then tell him to leave me alone? Or, did 38 make all of that up so that he could lure me back to his place and seduce me?
The simple answer: it doesn't matter because I don't want either of them anyway.
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